fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
