i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
These tits shall not be calmed
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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