he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
