i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
