Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
