I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
