physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
