She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
