you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
