i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
