She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize