Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
