So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
