Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Randomize
