you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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