How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
