I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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