I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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