He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
