Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
