my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
