the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize