thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
