Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize