Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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