I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
