I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
