Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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