you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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