I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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