wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
