The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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