Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
