fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
