So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So much Jack, so little girl.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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