if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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