I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize