He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
