Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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