she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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