dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
