I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
