"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize