Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
