Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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