NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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