you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
