Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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