I cannot find my penis.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
