It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
