Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
