My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
