I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
