32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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