No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
