While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
