I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
