is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
