This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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