the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
