I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
