i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
