Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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