You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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