so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
