He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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