i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
