just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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