i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
