Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
