Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you had me at cake vodka
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
