Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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