This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
