i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize