This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
