You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she told me i tasted like america
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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