stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
