If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
