Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
