you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
