If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
