The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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