I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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