So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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