my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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