They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
