Got a toothbrush?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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