Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize