Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
