My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
