woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this just has baby written all over it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
