hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
