I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
