awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
