You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
