I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
