So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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